Realisation

Drip drip falls the rain making little puddles, I am sitting here in the warm, a cup of coffee in my hand, my mind in such a muddle. I take a sip and watch the streams of water running down the window pane. I sit here and  look at my life, I try to change it all, but all in vain.

Pit pat goes my heart with the rain keeping time. The phone rings it makes me jump. “Hello, hello yes I am just fine” Am I fine I just don’t know , I know I am tired and I know I’m feeling low. Looking at my life today I feel like I have received the finale blow.Little raindrops on my window, tell me please , it is not so.

The voice on the phone is pulling me back from my daydream, “no, no sorry he is not here he is not home”  Hanging up and once again alone. I sip my coffee and shift my position . The rain is still falling and running down the window as if it is on a life’s mission.

The post lays on the table unsorted and unread , the housework calls but I am  blocking it out of my head.If the children were small and dependant on me they would not get fed, there’d be no tea. Luckily they are not here all moved on.Grown and flown just like a song.

All those thing I could of , should of done are  wasted now all gone . I see where I should of been what I should of worn what I should of seen. But I hesitated and it all slipped from my grasp. So I jumped into the arms of the first one who asked . I panicked but it felt safe for a while.Looking back it was far from safe so I smile a wry smile.

rain running down the window

Where is the excitement where is my life when did I loose my identity and just become a wife? Who stole my youth where did my looks go it all happened so quickly I did not see , I did not know.

The rain still drip drops forming tiny rivulets, it blurs the view. I am too tired to worry now, I’ll just make another brew.

woman at window

watching_bokeh_rain__by_Ladislas

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