Fairy Lights

Am I flying or is it a dream

It all looks so pretty it’s really a sight,the lights twinkle brightly braking the darkness of the night.                                                                         Twinkle twinkle fairy lights hiding the truth of the city and the night. How high am I up here? Too high to climb back down I fear.   I have never been at ease with heights but they do look inviting,those fairy lights.

It is cold up here I can feel the wind flapping my hair and biting my skin.The lights are still out there shining bright like little beacons beckoning to me in the night.

My head has stop buzzing and the answer is clear I have not felt this unburden for many a year. My eyes are just clearing the wider picture I see. From horizon to horizon the options are endless for me.

Gentle , gently I move to the edge , it is all crystal clear no more bets left to hedge.  Looking down into the depths of the night feeling the tug of those twinkling lights. One little step leads to another my senses are shot my brain runs for cover.

Oh!it is  such a long way down to those lights. It is  funny, I thought I was afraid of heights.The wind in my ears begins to scream am I really flying or is this a dream. The lights are no nearer my feelings begin to soar this is really living and I am scared no more  BRING IT ON WHAT IS NEXT ?HERE COMES THE GROUND WHAT HAPPENS NE………….

Diamonds in the Dust

   

          

           Not always there in person but always by your side

         To always lend that helping hand. To be a loving special guide.

       To understand when no one does to place in you their trust.

      When all is lost and all are gone they are the diamonds in the dust.

 

     Money’s lost and you’ve missed the bus, there is just one you can phone.

     When you can talk and you can walk they’ll discretely drop you home.

     They’ll pick you up and hose you down and make sure you are sober.

   To find the shoe that you have lost all stones they will turn over.

  They help you out asking for nothing in return, they are the diamonds in the dust

 

  To smile with you and delight in your pleasure and celebrate your minor wins

 To share the moments that you treasure they defend you when all others bin you.

True to you they always stay no matter if you are far away, with them it is never  “Out of sight and out of mind” they don’t forget they are always kind those diamonds in the dust.

 

 So when you stand alone without a helping hand. Hope is gone and all seems lost.

The ones who never left your side, who always waved your banner still stand for you at any cost.

So remember as you sieve your life the good the bad all the damn strife, as you separate the wheat from the chaff as they blow away in a winds gust. The ones that stay and never sway are the diamonds in the dust.

  

  

  

       


Christmas Dream

It is dark and very cold, I snuggle deep into my blanket fold.

There is no noise, nor light to see my beloved teddy next to me.

A silver light shows through a curtain chink, reminding me that the stars still wink. The Moon still lights the way that leads us into the brilliance of the day.Quiet, quietly slipping out of bed, I find my slippers and dressing gown red. Heading blindly to the door, being lucky not to trip on some discarded toy.

Creeping, creeping, fingers crossed, that no one wakes. Listening at each step I take slipping though the door, along the landing where the floor boards creak .watching snow To reach the window big and round, with cushioned seat. Don’t make a sound! Deep breath now my goal is near, don’t rush don’t slip don’t make a sound, my biggest fear is I’ll be found. So near so far please don’t let anyone wake. For back to bed they will me take. I need to reach that cushioned seat, then in silence I can greet the view I pray for in my childhood mind …..Those gentle wishes left behind. Finally alone in the silver light of the window, curtains drawn back as if a stage. Yes my wishes have come true the snow has visited and lies out there clean and new. It adds a hush to the night and answering the moon it looks so bright.The street looks clean and new, the gardens all roll into one with white topped trees alive with magic blossom.

Santa on the lawn

Time passes as I watch the scene; the cat next door is really vexed she cannot walk on this deep white stuff. Jumping and twitching her fur all a fluff she shoots through her cat flap. She has had enough. My, I hear a tinkling sound, not sure if it comes from sky or ground. A silver light begins to play where our front garden used to lay. Is it real or is it a trick. Am I asleep or am I awake? I’m not sure I can’t say but what I see now I shall never deny.

A brightly coloured sledge with sacks of presents packed behind a driver all dressed in red with white trim. I shake my head and press my nose against the window that is so cold it makes me shiver. A tiny sigh I deliver. It must be, can it be, yes it must be him. He raises a hand in greeting, his fingers on his lips to silence me. I wave back: my face a grin from ear to ear. As I look a shower of stardust and coloured lights remove the beautiful apparition from my sight . Gently, gently falls the silent snow, no tracks, no stardust left to show what I had seen on this night.I knew at once that if I told, no one would listen, and if I repeated I would be chided as bold. Then as I watched I saw on the white lawn, a lovely smiley face had been drawn.smilie

I awoke in my mothers arms, started to tell her but she whispered “be calm.”gently she tucked me up in bed, slid teddy onto the pillow next to my head. Then bending she whispered in my ear. “Sweet dreams my love and wake anew. For tonight a special child was born for you”.

If Only ……….For Debbie.

If only I could just remember what it was I meant to say

You would be completely bowled over and I’d make your blooming day!

If only I could find that thing that was so very, very you.

I know I put it somewhere safe, I know I did it’s true.

If only I knew why I started writing this?? What it is that we celebrate??

And should I give you a kiss??

If only there is one thing I remember and it is very true.

As long as there remains a “We” I will be a friend to you!

Lace like and spider spun

My life, lace like and spider spun. The threads that held me still,

To unravel have begun.

The web I live in is but a tissue of lies.

Threads tighten and knot my heart lies bleeding, all my dreams forgot.

This life I dwell in is an intricate pattern of tears and lies.

Where pain is legion and grief all logic just denies.

Just why do I stay and face the world with smiling lips but dead, dead eyes?

Tears that fall in secret hidden from clear blue skies.

Not letting the world see them for fear of their mocking.

It is so easy for you to all to say, untie yourself from this web of lies

Unpick the knots and walk away. To take command of your life. Is that so shocking?

ravel un

My life to unravel has began.

To stop my fall.

to catch me

To stop my fall

I woke again this morning, pain in my body warning me not to move.

The night was endless with not much sleep, after a couple of thousand

You wear of counting sheep. No matter how cute they may be.

The pain is gnawing at my back, my brain is thumping with lack of rest.

I start to move and I am cut short by the well known pain that eats my hip

Lay still says my brain, you know it is for the best.

I can’t give in, I can’t stay here but that first move is the one I fear.

It hurts so much I anticipate it, that makes it hard to rise I grit my teeth and close my eyes.

I ask for help from Him, on whom we all rely, it is not fair my mind rants and raves where is the painless movement my body craves?

Why me, this not fair I work so hard at getting there. I walk each day and visit the gym.

Just then is that a whisper, is it Him?

Another log roll, damn that pain I may as well be dead.

Again I hear that voice. “Just stay a moment and think on what you have just said.

Do you feel hard done by, because of all your pain. It may be hard to understand but pain keeps you alive.

Think on because you have friends who have not survived.

Are you out alone and homeless on the street, no creature comforts for you there and

Not a bite to eat save what you have scavenged from a rubbish bin.

There are those who have no hope no future and yet they do not give in.

Try some more, reach for the door of hope, I know it is hard but to waste your life is just a sin.”

So there it is, try to live for the here and now, if I can just get through this second then I can make it through the next.

Reach for the light however many times you fall if you open your mind you will feel Him stop your fall.

allaboutbipolar.com/wp

Oh ! Me Oh! My

Oh me, oh my, life stinks but I don’t know why.

It’s dull, tired and really sad but I pretend alls not so bad.

Now I have so much enforced leisure, my job was hard but I had its measure.

Friends and acquaintances I had many, now my absence has whittled them down

to hardly any.

The ones that stayed are the ones to treasure but the loss of others

Has cut me deep. It hurt me so, at first I used to weep.

It makes me feel my time was wasted on those who used me, always to their side I hasted.

To help them and support them I was willing they soon forgot and yes, the pain is killing.

Be bright and cheerful that’s the ticket, despair is like a scab it will not heal if you pick it.

So why do I sit and wonder where  my life has gone?

Snap out of it, like you’re told get out there put on the slap and be strong.

That is easy to say and easy to pretend but it does not change, that what you’ve broke will never mend.

Don’t get me wrong I am strong; I make the effort every day and all day long

I do my part to cover up my fears I hide my feelings and my tears.

This does not help in fact it hinders. No one wants to know the depths of despair.

They say they will help but when you’re miserable they don’t want to know.

They just don’t care

Life

Good times, bad times, happy and sad times it all adds up to life.

You cannot escape the toil and strife that is the grounding of  human life.

Rain is wet, snow is cold. Sun shines hot, life touches us as we grow old.

The door swings open the door swings closed. The unknown awaits us through which ever portal chose.

We raise our glasses and drink our toasts, we face our future with whatever that boasts.

Don’t look up and don’t look down keep on swimming or else you will drown.

We all start out the very same, we arrive with nothing and our first gift is a name.

You have to learn, and fast, to realize what is coming and what has past.

Nothing is easy not lain on a plate, you will pay dear if you loose or learn too late.

As we start out our brains are as an empty book full of pages waiting for instruction.

It all seems so easy, a flowing in of data with mothers love as our first induction.

As life flies by we fill each of the pages and soon we reach and pass all of it’s stages.

We love, we fight, we learn delight in another’s touch. Things get harder and often it’s too much.

Then we notice life is slowing down, work and money relinquish their crown.

The lucky few see beyond the grind and see that the face of life can be kind.

The earlier you can reach this place the sooner you will see Gods face .

Jesus and the child

Long Life? not for me.

The ground lies frozen like your heart.

My loves lies bleeding your cruel words wrenched it apart.

A blood red stain spreads fed by my tears

Shed silently watering the growth of my fears.

Sharp new icicles tinged in red look so pretty

Belying their hard hearts, mean and bereft of pity.

My hand is frozen like your heart. My fingers

Are lifeless like the dark barren trees.

Your ears are deaf to all of my pleas.

My eyes are red ringed and watery blue,

Hiding the untold story of my love wasted on you.

Not one more minute can I bare.

This place is too crowded,

Why do they all stare?

My coffee is frozen like your heart; a skin forms so my spoon,

like pain rips it apart.

No more can I wait, I tremble and shake I look for answer,

which road should I take?

I leave the table and go out through the door.

Leaving droplets of my life’s blood in a trail on the floor.

The ground is frozen there has been fresh snow.

Blindly I stumble weaving to and throw. The pain is throbbing inside my head relentlessly repeating the words that you said.

I can’t go on, I can’t stand still, and the echo of your words is making me ill.

My eyes are frozen like the ground; my life’s blood is spreading all around.

I have no more room for pain in my heart. The knife that I hold will be my new start.

despair

My heart beats no more

My heart is frozen it beats no more. It’s suddenly quiet and I feel  still and sure.

No longer frightened no longer cold, at least I know I’ll never grow old.

Time thief

Time is now, there is neither past nor future.

We stand here in the moment. We can’t go back and rewrite what has gone before.

There is no way that we can influence what is to come. “What” I hear you say. “We can plan, we can organize.”

You are fooling yourselves you may be able to influence some things but not the important.

Take your chance now. “Do not put off to tomorrow that which can be done today.”

A truer statement has not been made. Don’t let the future rob you of the now.

Do not let the past wrap you up in remorse, regret or even yearning.

It is gone and never will return, if you are lucky it may have taught you something.

The future is a thief, beware it does not steal your chance to do things. It robs by slight and stealth. Tomorrow I will meet you, tomorrow I will come, I won’t forget to ring you but yet tomorrow never comes.

I wish I had, if only, if only once again it’s gone and past and all that lasts is eternal pain.

The lessens are there for learning and once we really look the lines are clear the pages open so take a close, close look.

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